How to write the perfect RHr FanficA Parody
by owlfactory
Summary: Ron and Hermione. One Couple. The same old scenario. A parody of RHr fanfiction, by a RHr fan.


Hey, so I am suffering what is commonly known as post-Exam relaxation and have left my main story 'Distracted by the past' for a little bit. I was lying in bed last night when my mind wondered. I was reading a Parody (Mary Sue Who?) and got to thinking about parody's of other Fanfictions, having read them since I was eleven. Being a fan of Romance in the books I love reading RHr (my favourite), however I have breached HHr and other pairings.

However…with the advent of the MN/TLC interview with JK Rowling. Shipping has annoyed me to the last degree. Fans too obsessed with the romance in the books, unable to let people have their own views.

So I made out a list of the pretty over-used and general plot-lines in a R/Hr fanfic…just to amuse myself. Lol. While over-used, I do love them. Some of them are good and some are _really bad. _Please don't take offence those of you who have wrote a fanfiction like the ones I describe.

How to write the perfect R/Hr story-A parody of the most used plotlines. by Owlfactory.

R/Hr-**The General Rules. **

1. Ron and Hermione can never be together. _Not until the end of the fanfiction. _

2. Harry must be absent for the whole fanfiction, fighting Voldemort or training the DA for instance (even though Ron and Hermione are in it too).

3. Ron and Hermione must always be alone- see point 2.

4. The fanfiction must be set somewhere where interesting stuff can happen. Hogwarts, The Burrow, Grimmauld Place, Godrics Hollow (Hogwarts is ideal, even though HBP established that it doesn't look like either Ron or Hermione will be there)

5. There must be tension between Ron and Hermione, remarks about how cute Ron seems to have gotten and how Hermione is sooo incredible.

6. In accordance with point five, Hermione must be arrive at Hogwarts looking completely gorgeous, whatever year you set the fanfiction. Ron cannot fall in love with Hermione with that bushy hair! Infact, ignore all past remarks of Hermione being not pretty. This is fanfiction, everyone must be pretty, even the Mary Sue (Even though the brilliant thing about Hermione and Rons relationship is that its completely unconventional and Ron likes Hermione despite her being the book nerd, the smart one and the girl least likely to turn heads )

7. Both points 5 and 6 must be followed by remarks made by both Ron and Hermione such as "He's a friend, how could I think that?" and "She's Hermione, how could I think of her like that?" (even though we live in a post HBP world where it is pretty established that Ron and Hermione like each other and know it)

8. If Harry must appear, he must be there for over a minute to make pretty obvious remarks to Ron about his relationship with Hermione like "You're such and idiot" or "Just tell her already". Either that or send Harry off with Ginny for a bit (even though HBP established that Ginny and Harry might not on such good terms)

9.If the fanfic is post HBP, there must usually always something bad going on in the background. Voldemort killing people, Harry going off to fight Voldemort, a member of the Order dies…..use your imagination. Hermione must be having a rough time because how else will she turn to Ron for comfort? (Imagine that last sentence said in a manner spoken by Sarah Michelle Gellar in Cruel Intensions)

10. Even better, set the scene the night before everyone is off fighting Voldemort It's been pre-planned y'know.

11. Hermione must always be comforted, _never _Ron. She is a women and therefore emotionally unstable.

**THE BUILD UP**-SCENARIO ONE-**THE DOOMSDAY SCENARIO**

12. In some fanfictions, it will be normal to have Ron or Hermione to go off on their own and think about Voldemorts impending doom.

13. In accordance with point Twelve, either Ron or Hermione must then find the other in such state of despair and comfort each-other.

14. Ron, MUST ALWAYS BE AWKWARD. Never have Ron confident, at all. He must always be awkward and cute. Even though it is in Ron's character, no fanfiction writer must make Ron an assertive man. That's Harry's job.

15. Hermione must always remark that Ron is cute when he is nervous.

16. In such scenes as the Doomsday Scenario, Hermione or Ron must act sad.

17. In such scenes Ron or Hermione must make _that comment_ to each-other that will in turn cheer up the sense of doom described by point ten. Either one will suddenly come over all philosophical.

18. The Philosophical remarks must be followed by an assertion by one character that this completely cures them of all feelings of doom.

SCENARIO TWO-**THE FIGHT SCENARIO**

19. Ron and Hermione must have a random fight at the start of the fanfiction. This must be over something completely stupid, preferably Viktor Krum, even though that it is sooo post GOF fanfiction.

20. Ron **must always** say the comment that will make him run off and find Hermione.

21. Ron MUST BE AWKWARD and feel like a dick for saying horrible things to Hermione. Harry can now show up and make his obvious remarks like, "You're a dick" and "Go talk to her". Harry can even appear suddenly from his Horcrux hunt (Fanfiction writers hold no bounds). Harrys appearance usually merits a comment that alludes to Ginny, either how much he loves her or how much he wants her back.

22. Ron must always go and find Hermione. ALONE. Always alone.

THE FINAL SCENE-**THE RULES **

23 HERMIONE MUST CRY, nothing can dispute this fact. She must be in tears at the end of the fanfiction. Either in lieu of the impending doom or Ron's Oh-so-Horrible comment. How else will Ron feel like a dick or how else will comfort her. In every Harry Potter fanfiction whether it be D/HR H/HR Snape/Hermione. HERMIONE MUST CRY. She must be weak for her leading man to come save her.

24. RON MUST BE AWKWARD when he comes to find Hermione. To stammer out that apology to his oh-so-horrible-comment or words of wisdom.

25. Hermione must fling arms around Ron when he makes his apology or philosophical comment. This will make her feel sooooo better. .

26. When in each-others arms, Ron and Hermione must make thoughts that allude to both of them feeling like they've won the lottery or never feeling like this when in Lavender/Viktor Krums arms (With wistful sighs and adjectives to Hermione fitting perfectly in Ron's arms-even though it seems impossible for anyone to fit perfectly in someones arms)

27. RON MUST BE AWKWARD when holding Hermione in arms. He must make comments that are awkward and Ron-ish.

28. Ron and Hermione must then a) Remain in each-others arms feeling awkward and lovely or b) pull away from each-other in awkwardness and stammering.

29. Awkward comments must then be made.(I think you all get the point)

**THE KISS –**

30. The kiss can be made either before or after the awkward comments-whichever way the author feels like.

Awkward comments-**Before the Kiss. **

31. If awkward comments must be made before kiss, Ron must stammer out "Hermione-I-I-I" to which Hermione must say "What is it Ron?" and get butterfies in her stomach.

32. Ron must then stammer out his "I like you Hermione speech".

33. His I like you speech will be awkward, cute and Humble.

34. Ron's awkward "I like you speech" will be followed by Hermione throwing her arms around Ron going "OH RON!" in a non-Hermione fashion ( Because Hermione must always be weak, and girly. To which she is not. This comment is used in nearly every fanfiction)

35. Ron must be awkward-again (It does get boring doesn't it?)

36. The awkwardness will lead to Ron and Hermione pausing in awkwardness, looking at each-other. Er awkwardly.

37. Both Ron and Hermione will remark in their heads that they want to kiss each-other. Usually fanfiction writer will make Ron and Hermione realise that they like each-other at this point too (Well DUH!)

**THE KISS **

38. Awkward and hesitant. Simple and sweet. Most fics written like the above scenarios will be written by young ones who will put their ideal kiss into this one. There will be no groping or touching outside the arms. (Even though at 18, Ron and Hermione would usually be all over each-other. But hey)

39. Any sexual remarks will be taken from other fics. Mostly alluding to Ron and Hermione using tounges.

40 Ron and Hermione must make remarks when kissing that, once again, kissing each-other is like, you know, the most amazing experience of their lives (They don't get out much do they?)

**The awkward comments-AFTER THE KISS. **

41- It must be soooo awkward.

42. Ron must make completely unfunny remark that will make Hermione laugh.

43. It is common for fanfiction writers to make Ron and Hermione burst out, "I love you"-usually made after both Ron and Hermione have just realised that they like each-other, which generally happens at this point .This can be said before, after or during the awkward comments (Even though anyone who has ever been in love will tell you that you can-not just fall in love with someone at the drop of a hat. Especially after Ron and Hermione have done so "Why do I think that Ron/Hermione is cute?" the whole way through their fanfiction)

44, In some really bad fanfiction, Ron will ask Hermione to marry him (This is usually followed by every single reader to gape at the screen and roll their eyes)

**THE ENDING**

45, Both Ron and Hermione must express relief that their feeling of doom/Hurt at past argument will have evaporated and that NOTHING can hurt them or touch them because they have each-other. (Yawn)

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Lol, so there you go. I had a lot of fun writing this fanfic, feel free to add your own when reviewing. Someone can write one for H/Hr or H/G. (I was going to do H/Hr however I don't know that much about it).

Please review.


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